FemininityMaxing

I have adult acne. This is a harrowing fact that I’ve accepted at 25 years old. I blamed the cysts on the chin on my raging hormones for a full decade and am now in acceptance of the fact that I’m not a teenager anymore and it was time to see a dermatologist. This brilliant man put me on two wonder-drugs: Tretinoin and Spironolactone.

Since starting the latter, I’ve noticed some changes. Not only has my skin finally cleared, but I have found myself diving into the feminine parts of myself. First - I will state I only discovered this connection through a Tik Tok rabbit hole. Long story short, Spironolactone lowers your testosterone and patients find themselves being hyper-feminine. We’re going to just assume that this jump is true and logical.

Back to what I was saying: I’ve found myself yearning to be my most feminine, girly, sparkly, pink self. To the point where I have asked ChatGPT: “What are some things I can do to be more feminine?” And let me tell you, things have changed around here.

I wasn’t aware of the chemical connection at the time, but I soon found myself taking extra long on my skincare routine, drinking tea, lighting a candle before bed. The outfits I saw on my friends that I shrugged off as “basic” or “boring,” I feel pretty in. I’ve gotten only French tip pedicures since I’ve started the medication. I went back to acrylics, with a matching French tip set. I went to Victoria’s Secret and bought myself a $82 matching lingerie set (that no one will ever see). I shave my legs every time I shower, I wear mascara to Pilates, and I bought my first miniskirt.

These things seem trivial (and they are). But it makes me think about when (or where) I lost this femininity. Growing up I was always in pink and sparkles and play-pretend heels. I chose the gaudiest Halloween costumes - I was Cinderella 3 years in a row - and I did ballet and rode horses (ponies) after school. But somewhere in my adolescence I was told that wasn’t cool anymore, because it wasn’t. Charli XCX wasn’t in LoveShackFancy on stage at Madison Square Garden. Julia Fox isn’t walking around Bushwick wearing Pink Sugar perfume. Well, maybe she is. Who cares?

Femininity is complex, of course. It’s been interesting to watch it ebb and flow in its manifestation throughout my life. I’m glad it’s prominent in my mid-20s. I’m single and feel like I live in a pink princess palace with my fluffy white kitten Ms. Molly Marie. We watch Dawson’s Creek together and I have a routine now. I’m not 20 living in a garage with 3 other girls, sleeping on a mattress on the floor and smoking bowls for breakfast. I take my makeup off before bed, I text my friends at night to remind them that I love them, and I put on a matching pajama set whenever I have one clean. I still miss the garage though.

XOXO